1st draft of sequence

This is the first draft of my sequence, when showing my teacher she Critiqued it very throughly. The first thing was that it was to long then should be as it was five minutes, and because of this i needed to shorten it. Also when looking through it showed to be telling to much of a story, i believe it was and was showing the audience to much and dint hold much back. It also flowed to much and needed to be looked at alone when thinking about where to put titles and how it needs to broken up into the sequence, from showing this to my teacher i believe it gave me good advice to go on and fulfil the boundaries of the sequence and also make sure that it would be ok for the screening in a few weeks time. Overall from this critique i had a platform and basis of what i knew i had to change and put right. It helped me enormously....